I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
