cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
