I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Shame - the story of my life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
