i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
