An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
