I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize