Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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