Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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