I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
