ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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