I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
