My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Someone signed my nipple.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
