im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
