I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
