last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
