I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
