I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
