I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Bring me that man meat
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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