when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
