I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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