Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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