Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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