he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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