Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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