sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
