He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
