So drunk its hurt
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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