so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
