Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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