I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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