you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
