it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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