I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
