There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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