By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
