All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
