She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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