you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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