I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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