I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
