I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
