forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
