I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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