My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
