My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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