Sry I called you an 8
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
