it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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