bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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