I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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