Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
