"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
