I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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