My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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