I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
