just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
