would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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