On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
