i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Are my feet made of real feet?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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