I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
