Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
