Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
