Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
