Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
