i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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