Ketchup is God's man juice
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She told me I should be a condom model.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Randomize
