also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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