are you still at the devil's house?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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