Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
