I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
