idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
