Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had sex on a roof
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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